that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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