Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
