Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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