I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
