Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
