hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
