Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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