found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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