I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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