Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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