he thought i was a dude.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
