Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How's work?
Spinning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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