gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
