yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
