after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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