Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
