You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
