Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
