Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
