i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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