hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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