I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize