I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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