I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
