Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize