We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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