nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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