I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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