I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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