So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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