i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
