After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
