Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
