I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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