I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
