im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
