perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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