if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I CAN MOONWALK!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
