We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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