so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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