Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
