You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
