Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
