Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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