if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
