Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
