the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
