I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
