Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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