I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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