My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
