forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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