i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
