Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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