I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
