Do you still have your period?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
