I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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