Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
