What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
