if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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