nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
its liver damage thursday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
