haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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