I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
