He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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