I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
PANTIES FOUND
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
