oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
