when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
