**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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