I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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