nut hugger
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
