Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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