Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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