dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
