i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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