A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.