I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.