College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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