Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary