the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.