hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles