Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The convent might be a nice break from real life