Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
