Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
