I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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