sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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