We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
