i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
