were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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