she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They are going to name an STD after you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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