I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
