so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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