just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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