my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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