Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
