well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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