I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
