I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
